Hide in Shell

 I don't how long I've been ranting here as if I'm overflowed with emotions. But here is where I feel safe to open up all in my mind and my heart.

This space is a shell for a snail me.

Lately I feel so devastated, so depressing, so stressful and not knowing why. The fatigue, rollercoaster of emotions, small stuff gave big impact, happiness last a second, tears falling like there's no end, but I can't do anything bout it.

I have no one to talk because of this pandemic, I can't go out, no income, mum keep getting angry at me, not talking to the siblings, must eat and sleep but I can't.

Somehow I feel no one ever appreciate my existence. Me myself didn't feel gratitude as well with me being me now.

Where was me that full of spirit, here and there laughing, charisma front crowds....? Is she dead? Is she hiding anywhere?

How I wish to disappear into thin air. No body to be found, no grave to visit, no memories to fond, no anything, just the way everyone want it to be. I'm sure it is what they all wants.