That just the first week. I did skipped my classes for the whole week. My luck, the next week is school holidays. So, on the second week I slowly gain back my energy to avoid sleep and do something. Finally I'm good to see my friends back. I'm good to laugh and smile again. But I still feel that is really not me.
Now I'm gonna face the third week without my dad. And tomorrow I'm gonna back to hostel. Another two weeks apart from my mom and my siblings and my friends here. I don't know why, I'm slowly become depressed. I feel stress and like a full of mess now. I'm feel afraid to leave my family. Because they are my strength. I'm afraid if I'll lost someone else. My dad just left us, now I need to left them? Gosh!
My head just feel so heavy. I keep tearing. I don't know why. It just.... I don't know how to explain it. I just don't want to be apart with my mom. I want my mom always with me. I don't want go to the hostel. It full of stress. It will make my mind more fuss up. I just want to stay here. I want stay here in our house with my family, near to my friends. I need them. If I'm at the hostel, I can't keep in touch with them. I can't here their voice. I can't tell them what happened in the class. I can't share my feeling to them. Friend in my school just different. They know what happened. I don't need to tell them. Because they're there with me like 24/7.
I just want to hear my mom voice. See her face. Eat her cooks. Hear her words. I want my mom to sooth me. I want my mom calm me when I'm stress up, sad, angry. I want to be at house. Always. Why can't I?
I don't think I'm ready to study with mental condition like this. My mind are like crushed now. I need sometime to work it out back. I don't thing I can handle assignment or work in this situation. It just.... I can't. I don't think I can.
Seriously, I am totally far away from being my self now. Especially internal of me. Could someone please help me out? Can someone fix all this mess?
