This morning I had suicidal thought again. It's been awhile it haven't come, but this morning. I had tears running down my cheeks during my way to work in the train. Bad start for the day.
And suddenly my boss revealed my mistakes in whatsapp group. I feel devastated. It is really a bad day for me.
I look outside the train. I see tall buildings and thinking how does it feel to jump of from the top? What if I don't die, just heavily injured and become a greater burden for my family? What if I was punished to pay penalty because of trying to take my own life?
I wonder why would this all happened to me? Why my ayah left me like this? Why I must live this way? Why am I full with mistakes? Am I mistake by myself?
Can't I just disappear? Can't I end everything quickly? I'm really tired.
