Don't say bye

There are few daily phrases that I don't really like to use or to even hear and receive it.

Macam when someone says bye, I wish that bye was not the last bye.

And when one thanked me after I did the favor, I developed afraid feeling. I'm afraid that that person won't needed me nkr remember me anymore after that.

Even the first hi from new person. I'm afraid that I looks bad during the first impression. And they gonna judge me after that.

I wish that no one ever saying final bye towards me. I wish that no one disappear after thanked me. I wish no one ever judge at the first hi

Nak juga...

Dulu...... Time aku sekolah, aku selalu compare diri aku dengan akak and abang aku. Mak ayah aku tak compare, tapi aku sendiri yang compare. Aku compare siapa lagi pandai, siapa lagi banyak chances, siapa lagi rajin, oh tak dilupakam results pun aku compare kan.

Time aku ambil UPSR, abang aku ambil PMR, akak aku ambil SPM. So, both of them mak hantar tuition. Tapi aku mak tak hantar. Katanya,  tak perlu. Baru UPSR.....

Dan bila aku ambil PT3, aku still tak pergi tuition. Kelas tambahan pun tak ada. Apa yang diajar dekat sekolah, itu aku hadam. Yang lebih lebih aku study sendiri. Aku telaah sendiri.

Kadang tu aku jealous betul dengan classmates yang pergi tuition. They get more... Macam tu juga aku jealous dengan my other siblings.

Sometimes aku rasa, aku tak dapat apa yang akak and abang dapat, and tu lah..... Mesti aku rasa parents aku tak fair enough.

Tapi aku faham. Gaji ayah berapa lah sangat... But still...

Sampai la ni, I'm the only one yang dapat duduk jauh, stay asrama. Aku rasa this the way mak ayah nak prove they still love anak anak sama rata.

Ayah pinjam kamu, bukan miliki kamu

I've read somewhere, seorang ayah write about his journey having a daughter. It touched my heart...

The father tell from his daughter was born, it was different from his first born, which is his son. His daughter didn't feed as much as his son would.

Then when the daughter grow a little, she starts to demand girly stuf, doll, dress, having long hair and so on.

Come the moment his daughter having vagina issues. It starts to produce mucus, itching. So he had to get pantyliner for his daughter. The episode continue with she having her PMS... He then gotta get bunch of pads after that.

When his daughter started her PMS journey, he then begin to think that his daughter are growing way too fast. Later, she will bring a man and he'll let the man take over his job.

So, the father concluded that his daughter is just a pinjaman that he is never miliki. She is her husband's. As a father he just take care and treat her well to present to pemilik sebenarnya, jer husband.

Okay, serious talk memang touchy. So, selama ni struggle seorang ayah adalah struggle untuk menyempurnakan puterinya yang kemudian hari bakal menemui pemilik sebenarnya? 😖😭😭😭😭

Bad morning

Pagi tadi aku bangun bangun, tengok pintu dorm aku terkuak. Ada orang keluar tak tutup balik. Aku pun merungut "Ish...Tutuplah pintu balik..." sebab it was raining, sejuk weh

Lepas tu dapat pula nightmare about electric stuff... Aku kena renjatan and api was everywhere. Mungkin bayangan neraka... Tah lah.

Aku bangun balik, tengok jam, dah 6.40. Gosh, kelam kabut aku wehhhh nak mandi lagi, nak siap, nak solat lagi.

It was a bad morning.